Risk

Someone once said that the secret to performing great acts is great preparation.

I have no evidence of which particular time or date this was said, but there are a lot of people in the world, and it seems like something someone - possibly a middle manager - would have said, at some point. It doesn't really matter if it has been said before or not, it is merely by way of introduction.

For the past few weeks I have been observing this preparation occurring right under my nose. The primary target has been attending Big A's house for extensive and rigorous global warfare training. This has taken the form of lengthy games of the popular board game 'Risk' - a long-time favourite with insurgents everywhere. The aim of this game is to recruit as many fanatics as possible, before, slowly but surely, taking over the world. JB plays the game with the studiousness of a professor. It is something of a giveaway that his favourite tactic is the "concurrent attack", which features several cells all hitting their designated targets at the same time.

I continue my study of Jonny B from afar. His behaviour is certainly peculiar, although not necessary criminal.

• He has his cess pit emptied. (There are no bodies currently stashed in there.)
• He experiments with home-made explosives in the form of a can of microwaved soup.
• He travels to London to meet with some old contacts, consumes a kebab his waist-line can barely afford, talks about bingo and goes home.

I wonder whether I have done the right thing taking this assignment. If the pace of life around here got any slower, it would have to start going backwards.